In this very funny pun compilation, we have come up with and collected the best marriage puns, dad jokes and wordplay to make you LOL.
Tying the Knot: Hilarious Marriage Puns That Will Have You Saying ‘I Do’ to Laughter
1. Why did the scarecrow get promoted? Because he was outstanding in his field, just like a newlywed couple!
2. Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you’re looking for a club and a spade.
3. Why did the cookie go to the marriage therapist? It was feeling crumbly about its relationship with the milk.
4. I asked my wife to tell me a joke about marriage. She said, “I can’t, I’m married to you!”
5. Marriage is a workshop where the husband works and the wife shops.
6. What did the blanket say to the bed? “I’ve got you covered!”
7. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
8. I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough, so I decided to knead a wife instead.
9. Why did the pencil break up with the paper? It couldn’t handle the commitment to a long-term relationship.
10. My wife told me to stop playing Wonderwall on the guitar. I said maybe…just kidding, I stopped.
Making ‘Cents’ of Marriage: Money Puns That Will Make You Rich in Laughter
1. Why did the couple break up at the piggy bank? They just couldn’t save enough for a rainy day.
2. Why did the coin go to therapy? It had too many issues with change.
3. My wife said she won’t cook anymore until I fix our kitchen. It’s a real recipe for disaster!
4. Why did the investor break up with their stock? They just couldn’t take the risk anymore.
5. I told my wife I wanted to invest our savings in bonds. She said, “Stocks and bonds?” I said, “No, handcuffs and gags.”
6. Why did the dollar go to the doctor? It was feeling a little green.
7. Why did the banker break up with their partner? They just didn’t have enough interest.
8. Why did the ATM break up with the computer? It couldn’t handle the cash flow.
9. My wife told me we can’t afford new windows in our house. I told her to window down the expenses.
10. Why did the penny go to therapy? It was feeling cents-itive.
Love is a Battlefield: War-themed Puns That Will Leave You in ‘Tears’
1. Why did the soldier break up with their partner? They just couldn’t handle the distance.
2. My wife told me she’s tired of my war-themed jokes. But if we can’t make peace with it, it’s gonna be a civil war!
3. Why did the general break up with their partner? They just couldn’t win the battle of the sexes.
4. Why did the warrior break up with their partner? They were just too sword to handle.
5. My wife told me she feels like we’re always at war. I told her it’s because we’re Battlingtons.
6. Why did the colonel break up with their partner? They just couldn’t make rank in the relationship.
7. My wife said she wants to leave me for a military man. I told her, “But I’ve already enlisted you in my heart!”
8. Why did the navy seal break up with their partner? They just couldn’t seal the deal on love.
9. My wife told me she’s tired of my war jokes, but I told her they’re bomb-proof.
10. Why did the soldier break up with their partner? They just couldn’t march to the same beat.
Happily Ever Laughter: Fairy Tale Puns Fit for a Prince or Princess
1. Why did the princess break up with the frog? She just couldn’t handle his croaking.
2. My wife told me she wants to live in a fairytale. I told her to stop sleeping beauty and clean the dishes.
3. Why did Cinderella get kicked off the softball team? She kept running away from the ball.
4. Why did the prince break up with Cinderella? She had too many midnight commitments.
5. My wife asked me if I thought she was more like Belle or Ariel. I said, “No, you’re my Cinderella, always running away from the dishes!”
6. Why did the three little pigs break up with their partners? They just couldn’t build a stable relationship.
7. My wife told me she wants to be treated like a princess. I told her, “You’re in luck, because I have a royal pain in my butt!”
8. Why did Beauty and the Beast break up? He realized she was only in it for the beast.
9. My wife asked me to be her prince charming. I said, “I’ll need a horse and a castle first.”
10. Why did the Big Bad Wolf break up with Little Red Riding Hood? She was always too wrapped up in herself.
Say ‘I Boo’: Spooky Wedding Puns That Will Haunt Your Funny Bone
1. Why did the ghost break up with their partner? They just couldn’t haunt their own business.
2. My wife told me she wants a haunted house for Halloween. I said, “Welcome to our marriage, it’s a thriller!”
3. Why did the vampire break up with their partner? They just couldn’t handle the neck issue.
4. Why did the skeleton break up with their partner? They just couldn’t find the backbone for the relationship.
5. My wife said she wants to dress up as a witch for our Halloween party. I said, “But you already cast a spell on me every day!”
6. Why did the zombie break up with their partner? They lost their brains in the relationship.
7. Why did the mummy break up with their partner? They just couldn’t keep things wrapped up.
8. My wife asked me to help her hang some Halloween decorations. I said, “Sure, I’ll be your boo-tiful assistant!”
9. Why did the witch break up with their partner? They just couldn’t brew up any love potions.
10. My wife told me she wants a coffin-shaped bed. I said, “But we already sleep like the undead every night!”